Updated: Aug 31
We're taking front row seats into the world of office well-being, where coffee is the lifeblood, and stress is the beating heart. Only hearts don’t beat with too much stress, they end up attacking us. But fret not, onward for we've got the ultimate guide to keeping your sanity while navigating the wild wonders of the office aka, the Big Top full of revolving mirrors, cubicles and conference rooms.
1. The Great Coffee Conundrum
Ah, coffee—the liquid motivation that fuels the workday. Picture this: You stroll into the break room, and there it is, the last cup of coffee, looking all lonely. Suddenly, your coworker lunges from behind the fridge, (what were they doing there?) reaching for it like it's the last lifeboat on the Titanic. A battle ensues, and you both end up doing the "coff-ango."
Tip: To avoid this awkward tango, invest in a coffee subscription. You'll never have to fight for that precious brew again! Also, people-pleasers, I know you’d never actually battle even if there was a dance on the cards. You’d just yield up that last cup like it was your last hope at approval. How do I know that? I’ve done it, I’m a recovering people-pleaser. Switch to green tea anyway, less of a dump after the last sip.
2. The Elevator Dilemma
You're in a hurry for that important meeting on the 10th floor, and you rush to the elevator. The doors open, and there it is—a full-blown human sardine tin.
Tip: Don't be shy! Let those doors close right before your eyes, and get your walk on: ten floors starting now. What am I saying? There’s no time for that! You have to pack in with the rest and channel your inner boundary queen—elbows wide.
3. The Mysterious Office Fridge
The office fridge is a time capsule of forgotten lunches and expired condiments. You open it, and out jumps a container of what could only be described as "alien life-form stew." Who knew that Tupperware could evolve into sentient beings?
Tip: Embrace adventure everywhere else in your life, but the fumes emanating from the office fridge, are a definite “no!’ You’re not about to take the gamble and try storing your precious, pre-organised meal anywhere near those mystery leftovers. Bonding over shared stomachaches doesn’t build camaraderie! I once wrapped nothing in used tinfoil and packed it layer upon layer till it looked like a meal. Someone actually opened it like it was pass-the-parcel!
4. The Email Avalanche
You just sent an email to your colleague two desks away, and suddenly, you receive a reply. "Got your message, thanks!" Seriously, Carol? You could have just said it out loud!
Tip: Stop clowning around with that typing and invest in an interoffice communication system called "talking." It's old-fashioned but surprisingly effective.
5. The Desk Plant Debate
Your cubicle neighbour has performed some kind of magic trick to transform their desk into a miniature jungle. Meanwhile, your sad desk plant has been giving you the silent treatment, sulking like a teenager. It turns out it’s not a cactus.
Tip: Host a "Gardeners World Goes Office” and get those green-fingered friends to spill the beans on how they get their plants to grow so well. Everyone likes that circus act where there’s danger but we don’t want actual harm. Same for the plants. They need wellness too. Ever thought about naming plants? I do it but I often go too far. Up to you, but do encourage those who are good with plants to share the love so there’s more green happiness in the office.
6. The Ergonomic Chair Challenge
You've just mastered the art of adjusting your ergonomic chair and you’re no longer doing your Johnny English meets the Prime Minister impersonation. But as soon as you stand up, your coworker attempts to sit and promptly catapults into the ceiling tiles. Trapeze without a catcher!
Tip: Leave a step-by-step guide to chair adjustments taped under your chair. Save a coworker from the fate of ceiling tile trapeze. People don’t ever read those guides but wouldn’t it be fun to create one of those icon sequences with silly sketches? No, nobody has the time, it’s all just work, work, work! If you taped a chocolate bar under your chair, people would find that wouldn’t they? Okay, fine, let’s leave the chair and move on to real tech—the printer!
7. The Infamous Office Printer
The office printer has a vendetta against you. It beeps, flashes cryptic error messages, and eats paper like a ravenous beast. There’s a knife-throwing mad person in there so watch out if you go rummaging around to clear your A4’s.
Tip: Bring an offering—preferably another chocolate bar (you surely bought that four-in-one pack)—to the printer before every print job. It works wonders! Not for the printer, it just gives you some comfort while you wait for IT to fix it. Okay, not the healthiest option? You could try silent laughter every time you stand in front of the printer and it gets up to its usual tricks.
Remember, the workplace is a wacky, wonderful world where hilarity and headaches collide. Embrace the madness, find the humour in everyday situations, and, most importantly, keep a stash of chocolate hidden in your drawer for those extra-challenging days. Okay I have to stop it with the chocolates. With these tips and a hearty laugh, you'll conquer the office wellness circus like a pro. Now go out there and show that coffee pot who's boss!